Understanding the true meaning of success

I’ve been thinking about how to measure success.

Over the past five years of DirtFish Women in Motorsport Summits, it feels like every year has held a different definition of the term for me.

Or, after one Summit, while cleaning up chairs alone, feeling no sense of success at all.

I’ve let it be defined by attendance numbers, by organizational flow, by vendor quantity – but suddenly I’ve realized I’ve been missing the most important signs.

I genuinely feel that, as Billy Joel said: “Only fools are satisfied”. And because my internal training runs so deep, I think I’ve been conflating success with satisfaction.

So now, as I sit for a quiet moment one week removed from the Summit, I’m pondering the question I’ve been asked countless times since last Saturday: Was it a success?

And still, I find myself struggling with the word. But here’s what I do know:

We brought 15 high-powered, top-of-their-field Women in Motorsport Pros from around the world right here to DirtFish.

We got another 15 women behind the wheel at our VIP Program.

We raised $110,000 at our very first gala to fund the future of this initiative.

And as I sit here, ruminating on what could have gone better, how different marketing strategies may have been more impactful, wondering why I built the physical layout of the event how I did, thinking this could have been better and that could have run smoother, and and and and….

I realize what a hypocrite I’ve been.

Because I welcomed our guests to DirtFish at 10am on Saturday morning with this sentiment: “There is only one thing which is absolutely not welcome here. Your imposter syndrome.”

I encouraged guests to leave it at the door, to wave it goodbye, to instead be brave and unafraid and to grab the day’s opportunities in full force. That this day was for absolute, unquestionable belief in ourselves.

And meanwhile, underneath my cowgirl hat, I was doubting myself. I was doubting the planning. Doubting the attendance. Doubting the impact.

It’s incredible, isn’t it? How masterful we are at being mean to ourselves.

But then I paused. I looked around. I saw Aoife Raftery teaching six year old Saoirse how to change a tire.

I saw Hollie McRae, Elana Scherr and Amber Paganelli Koniniec teaching young, curious women how to operate an arm car, cover an event, and tell other people’s stories.

I saw Sara Price putting women in the driver’s seat of her Can-Am and watched as their jaws dropped at all of its settings.

I saw competitors feverishly scrawling notes as Dr. Megan and Dr. ‘Cheech’ mentored them on exactly how to optimize their health as women in this industry.

I saw Girlie Lukhele, immediately after a 24-hour travel day, teaching anyone and everyone how to drive a sim and how to have it change your life.

I watched as Lia Block, Hannah McKillop and Michelle Miller answered the questions we’re typically afraid to ask – pulling off steering wheels and explaining the exact relationship between driver and co-driver.

I eavesdropped as Sabre Cook, Michele Abbate and Amanda Sorensen told stories of drifting and road racing that most had no idea about at all.

You know what else I realized right then? These women had become my family.

Whether I’d met them two days prior or 10 years before, I knew, and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I could call any one of them if I needed help.

That they would come. That we are all intertwined and pushing forward on this singular mission; to create a foundation upon which women can thrive anywhere in this industry.

And I could actually see it happening right in front of me – these WiM Pros were wrapping their arms around the next generation and showing them the way in.

So Squish (my cowgirl hat) and I kept moving. And I had this little moment of clarity.

Wow, think of everything we could accomplish if I’d done what I asked everyone else to do?
If I really, well and truly told that little, doubting, nagging voice in my mind to leave me alone?

So I will. Because of all of you.

Because you saw our event, you heard our mission, and without convincing or requiring qualification or resumes, you held our hands and walked with us.

That’s allyship. That’s the future. That’s the DirtFish Women in Motorsport Initiative. And we cannot build this new foundation alone.

My gratitude is overwhelming for the DirtFish team, our WiM Pros, our beyond incredible volunteers, our vendors, our donors and everyone who has joined us. People always ask what the goal of the DirtFish Women in Motorsport Initiative is.

Well, it’s simple: we want to put ourselves out of business.

We want women competing in top level cars, working on those cars, managing those teams, moving in and around the very highest level of the sport.

And then, when it’s gotten to that point that the service park is equal and equitable and there are no eyebrows raised or memes being made about the woman who dared to show up, then we can take WiM off the side of the car.

Because at the end of the day, all we want to do is compete. All we want to do is thrive.

If this year’s Summit contributed to that movement even by an inch, well, then… I’ll take it as a success.