Colin Clark: DirtFish’s voice of rally on life in self-isolation

Our man on the stages discusses living alone for the first time, and presents a new culinary dish - haggis bolognese

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-27 at 17.52.10

Well, what a very strange week and a bit that’s been since returning from Rally México. You know, in some ways we seemed a little isolated from all that was unfolding back home, cocooned in our Méxican bubble. But that all changed when we found out that someone in very close working proximity to us in the service park had tested positive for coronavirus.

Now, I know that as this virus runs its insidious course many, many of us will be directly effected by it but 10 days ago this was shocking news. It’s not something I talk much about, but I’m a cancer survivor and as such I’m always aware of the added vulnerability that’s part of my day to day living. And I’m not too much of a man to say I was scared. Irrational fear when you look back and are in possession of more facts, but nonetheless, at the time, I was genuinely scared.

And it’s at times like these that you see the absolute best in people and organisations, and sadly, more rarely, the worst. It’s easy to get angry and vent your frustrations, and for sure I did that, but for some of us, it’s not so easy to say thank you, and show our appreciation and gratitude.

So I’m going to take that chance right here. To Steve, to Justin, to Trevor and to all the wonderful folk at DirtFish, I truly appreciate all you’ve done for me and continue to do for the whole DirtFish family during these trying times.

OK, so soppy sentiments over, what else have I been doing for the past 10 days?

Well, because of that earlier mentioned positive service park test I reckoned it best to stay away from the family and the kids for the recommend 14 days after México. And that wasn’t an easy decision I’ll tell you. But it was made easier by the fact that my Mum’s flat in Dundee was available and I really don’t need too many excuses to head home tae Bonnie Dundee. Oh, and if you’re wondering where my Mum is, well she’s holed up with my brother in his place in France. I have no idea if they have enough loo roll but what I do know is that they have at least a year’s supply of red wine! Should keep them happy for three months then anyway!

And so onwards, up north at a sedate pace in my trusty old Saab, and into the welcoming embrace of Mum’s cosy, homely and, worryingly for me, spotlessly clean and tidy flat. And here’s my first confession. I’ve never lived on my own. Not for a single week in my 50-plus years on this planet.

Yes, I can do all the domestic stuff needed to survive but I’m just not good at it. In particular shopping. I’ve been to the local supermarket four times for supplies since I got here and I’ve managed to spend £120 on “essentials”. And I don’t even drink. I’m reliably informed that’s enough to feed a family of four for a week in some degree of luxury! Oh dear, I really must try and organise my menus a little more efficiently.

Talking of menus, one of the most delightful aspects of self-isolation is having the time, and the inclination, to cook. I’ve always enjoyed cooking but this has been a real revelation. Since I got here, I’ve cooked every meal I’ve eaten, and not a single takeaway has crossed the threshold of this flat. I can honestly say the maximum I’ve managed since Mum stopped cooking for me when I was a teenager is probably three days, and that’s maybe stretching things a bit.

I’m not a recipe book type cook. I much prefer to be a little creative and do what I think is right. Admittedly this has, on more than one occasion, ended somewhat close to disaster with the day only being saved by the home delivery Chinese services! But not this time, and not to bang my own pans, but my goodness I think I might have invented something special.

Haggis bolognese. You won’t have tried it, but you should, it’s bloody delicious.

So how did this come about? Well, I was at the supermarket failing to buy what I needed. Much like the rest of the country, the good folk of Dundee had gone into panic mode and stripped the shelves bare. Well almost bare, Dundee has not yet woken up to the delights of the avocado and I could have had boxes of those. Actually I couldn’t have, they were restricting us to a maximum of three of any one item at the checkout.

But from adversity very often comes creativity. No mince on the shelves, actually no meat at all on the shelves, but plenty of haggis. And that was when the lightbulb moment happened. The plan was to do a big pot of traditional bolognese, but why not haggis bolognese? Absolutely no reason why not in my books.

So off home I trotted and set about cooking up my onions, my haggis, some black pudding – they don’t seem to like that much either in Dundee – and some smoked pancetta. Into that went a couple of tins of tomatoes, some passata and a bottle of red wine. Yep, anything less than a bottle wouldn’t do this creation justice. Left to gently simmer on the hob for 90 minutes and the result was a triumph worth of any MasterChef final. Lightly spiced with the subtle aromas of sheep offal. What’s not to love about it?

Well I’ll tel you what. It was nice for the first three nights, and again I was creative with how I served it. The first night I went all fusion and served it on a bed of warm naan bread. Indo-Scots cuisine I call it. But night four was a struggle, and night’s five, six, seven and eight went into the freezer. Call it a welcome home pressie for Mum.

There have been other unforeseen joys that have come my way as a result of self-isolation, but I’m going to save those for next week’s update.

For the time being, look after yourself DirtFish rally friends and stay safe, stay well and try to stay sane.

I’m off to work out what to do with a sweet potato, half a pound of carrots, some passion fruit and a bag of Polish pierogi.

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